The Thick-Skinned Writer

I got a major writing rejection this week. This was the kind that makes you feel like you’ve simultaneously been bludgeoned in the head and stabbed in the heart. Over the years, I’ve come to realize that if I want to put my writing out into the world, I have to learn to live with rejection.

It’s Not Personal

I always think of the scene in You’ve Got Mail where Joe Fox tells Kathleen Kelly, “It’s Not Personal; it’s business” (re: trying to corner the book market in New York and close down her little bookshop), and Kathleen bristles. In this kind of scenario, when someone is antagonizing you and trying to take away your livelihood, yes, I do think there is a personal aspect to it. However, when you are trying to find a home for your creative writing, those kinds of rejections aren’t personal. The editor/agent/publisher/whoever (usually) doesn’t know you personally, and they’re not trying to make you feel bad about yourself. Maybe what you’ve written just isn’t a good fit for their publication and/or taste.

Adding to Your Toolbelt

Being rejected can be useful. I know that sounds like nonsense or like I’m just trying to make myself feel better (I had to pause writing this and write the dreaded response email to my recent rejection, sigh), but think about it. If you submit a short story to literary magazines twenty times, and every single place rejects it, this can be a good sign that you may need to go back and take another look at the work. If even some of the responses weren’t (ugh) form rejections, what can you glean from their notes? Is there a common reference (e.g. The story was slow to get started or there were too many characters for a four-page story)? Maybe these rejections feel like stuff and nonsense, which can also be a sign that you’re too close to the work and need to step away for a while to work on something else. Tuck the work in a drawer or into a hidden sub-folder on your computer, and let it rest.

Keep Moving, Writer

It would be so easy to just stop writing, stop submitting, and take up a hobby like hiking or crafting with cat hair. Maybe you would be in better shape and there would be less wayward pet hair around your house. Maybe life would be much less stressful, but an essential part of you would be missing. Facing rejection can feel downright humiliating, but when I told my husband about this most recent let-down, he said, “Another step in the journey.” I can’t think of a better way to process and carry on.

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