A few months ago when stay-at-home orders began all over the country, we started a Zoom support group for women and non-binary writers. It has been such an empowering experience and we have gotten to know some truly amazing people from all over the country in such a short span of time. One of those writers is Chrystal O’Keefe, who shared with us about how she took a traumatic event in her life, and not only wrote through the pain of what she experienced, but used her voice and the profits from her work to support victims of domestic violence. Here is a guest post from Chrystal about writing and trauma.
Sometime around April 10, 2007, a woman I had yet to meet was brutally murdered in the basement of the house I had agreed to move into just weeks prior. A woman my age whom I had befriended on Myspace. Our mutual connection was my roommate, who happened to be her on again/off again boyfriend of two years.
Following the murder, I unkowningly painted over her ashes in our shared basement.
Because I lived with her murderer (again, unknowingly), I was called to be a witness in a trial that would forever change the course of my life. This fun girl with shared interests who could’ve been a great friend? Gone. My pursuit of a career in criminal psychology? Scrapped. My early 20s, a time to have fun? Spent crying in a therapist’s office.
I was 20 at the time and my experience with writing was limited to poems and a scrapped fiction story that was inspired by my life with depression. Yet something about having a role in putting someone away for life inspired me to at least keep a journal to discuss during therapy sessions. I held on to my witness statement and told myself one day I will write a book about this.
Twelve years later I did.
Yes, twelve years went by before I could sit down, read that statement again and let my words and pent up feelings flow out of my body. And you know what? It was more cathartic and healing than the years of therapy because I felt like I was reclaiming what I experienced and writing out my own thoughts and feelings. It was my story to tell.
It took a little over a month to actually write everything out and go through edits. My husband, seeing how it was affecting me, suggested taking a week off and held me accountable. That gave me the steam to push through and finish it.
I worked to get the book published via Amazon and Kindle Direct. I posted links on social media and asked for people to share it, not expecting much. A news anchor sent a message on Twitter asking me to share my story on the news to wrap up Domestic Violence Awareness Month. I spoke to the victim’s mother and got her blessing. I filmed an interview, and before I left the newsroom, I told the reporter that I plan to give the profits back to domestic violence organizations in my state.
I nearly threw up in the parking lot at WISH-TV from nerves.
Between the intrigue of a local murder and the genorisity of giving back, the story blew up. I reluctantly agreed to be a guest on a podcast. And I read every comment, completely panicking about who this might get to.
In the end, those opinions didn’t matter.
Reliving my trauma and dealing with constant anxiety was worth it if even just one person heard the story of what happened in 2007 and realized their relationship was similar. If someone helped a friend leave, if someone recognized the signs of domestic violence, or if someone also had to sit at the stand and rehash what life was like sleeping across the hall from a murderer. My trauma is still very real, but going through it forced me to remember I helped put someone away for life and helped a family begin to heal.
To this day I still keep Heather’s memory alive and do what I can in my community to prevent this from happening to anyone else. I have been able to donate nearly $700 in profits to organizations that help victims and raise awareness. For that, and for the lives I’ve hopefully helped along the way, reliving my nightmare was worth it.
Thank you, Chrystal, for sharing this with us! Here’s Chrystal’s full story if you would like to read it. You can find Chrystal on Instagram @darth_chrystal. And if you would like to join our Zoom support group, which meets on Thursdays at 7:30 p.m. (MDT), sign up here.
Take good care of yourselves and those who are most vulnerable in your communities, Plumesters!