If you’re a mom, then you know it looms large in your identity. You are the finder of socks! The cutter of crusts! The only one the baby wants to hold him most days. She who carpools everyone to baseball practice and the movies with their friends. I like to think of my motherly identity as a heartwarming slog. As in, you love your kids dearly, but it’s not always pretty (see me getting my hair done professionally for the first time in two years this weekend).
Dueling Identities
But what happens when you’re a mom and a writer? As writers we’re often told to jettison our worldly responsibilities whenever possible and just get it on the page. How exactly can you do that as a mom, though? I don’t know about you, but I tend to have major guilt and anxiety when I step away from my kids to do something for myself, like writing. I know it’s not healthy, though from what I’ve seen and heard, a lot of us with these two identities feel this way. But some days I wonder if these things have to feel so diametrically opposed.
Be Vigilant
I’ve found that the less I write, the grumpier I get, and this is no fun for anyone in my orbit. You have likely heard it before, but what I find works for me is to pay attention to my moods. There will be some moments in mom life where you simply can’t write (see: I just had a baby and I haven’t even made it to the shower in days, let alone had a burst of creative inspiration), but take note of how you feel. If you go through periods of not writing, what is the outer limit you can take before you crack? I’m not suggesting you do this often! What I am saying is know your limits. If you haven’t written in a week, and you’re crawling the (sticky, applesauce and I-don’t-even-know-what-that-is) walls, you know that you need at minimum, some weekly writing time.
Making the Time
Do you ever see those social media posts from the pyramid scheme pushers who say things like, “Just stop watching TV and you can make $$$!”? Usually, I don’t find myself in agreement with these kinds of accounts, but they’re…kinda onto something here. I’m not saying you have to skip the final season of Game of Thrones (I mean…it’s only six episodes. Okay, six extra long episodes, but I digress…), but what if you skipped your second and third tier shows, the ones you mindlessly flick on once the kids have finally settled down for the night? Even freeing up thirty minutes once or twice a week can give you something to really work with.
I never used to appreciate or even really enjoy alone time all that much before I had kids (who was I?!), but now it is something rare and precious in my life. And I’m talking alone time with no other earthly responsibilities (see cleaning, grading essays, driving around doing errands, etc.). Now, when someone asks me what I want for my birthday or for Mother’s Day, I say, “Me time!” I still vividly remember writing in a café on my birthday last year and feeling elated. Little did I know I would go into labor the next day(!), but looking back, now I’m even happier that I grabbed that time while I had the chance.
I remember a writer saying that she was so busy she would literally write at stoplights while driving. I don’t recommend this method, but I admire its tenacity, and I’m sure you can find something as creative, though maybe a bit safer! (Note to self: On days when the baby falls asleep while the four-year-old is doing Taekwondo, whip out a notebook!)
I also found a great mama blogger who has an invaluable list of how to get your writing done. You just have to sign up for her newsletter! It’s a thoughtful list, and it doesn’t hurt that it’s pretty!
There’s also the fact that, while it often lacks visible glamour, being a mom can present you with so much to write about. So much so, in fact, that I think I’ll save that topic for a future blog! I think I hear the baby…
Are you a mom who writes or do you know someone who is? For May, Plume is curating a box of special inspirational items that would make the perfect gift! And our featured writer is going to be the oh-so-rad writing mama, Jennifer Jordán Schaller. Quantities are limited, so we don’t recommend waiting!
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